


Inner Strife #1: Save Me

by B_eden



Series: Inner Strife [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fear, Happy Ending, Incest, Insecurity, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sburb was just a game, Stridercest - Freeform, fear fetish, fear kink, fulfilling, i won’t hurt you like that too bad, no sburb session, short scene where dave is attacked by a boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 16:30:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17429462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/B_eden/pseuds/B_eden
Summary: In a life where the Sburb game was just that-only a game-Dave struggles with his inappropriate feelings for his older brother. Dave has panic attacks. It’s a little bit of a slow burn but it’s worth it.





	Inner Strife #1: Save Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I have decided to write a couple of these and making them a series. Keep an eye out for at least the next two.
> 
> If you wanna know more about me as a writer and a person, (plz follow I get so lonely) you can follow my:
> 
> Blog: https://caspercrowblog.wordpress.com  
> Twitter: https://twitter.com/CrowCasper  
> Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/writercaspercrow

The nightmares started not long after Dave had played this intense online Sburb game with his friends. The game had been fun, and long, and hilarious at some points and terrifying at others. Dave hadn’t known his brother had even played his own copy until he’d shown up to help Dave fight an impossible boss. Bro had shown up, ridiculously leveled up and with an ironic character design that left no question in Dave’s mind just who was saving his ass. It was only a game, but something about seeing Bro get killed had traumatized him.

   
The boss had been designed to be unbeatable. The point of the level had been to survive long enough to trigger the next cut scene. Dave had been able to continue in the game because Bro had distracted the boss long enough for Dave to achieve the time limit that would allow him to move on in the story line.

   
Dave had only ever seen Bro lose when he was almost blackout drunk. It may have just been a game, but the gesture that his brother had made meant so many unspoken things. Once he had a stopping point to save the game and gather himself, Dave had been left shaking and hyperventilating alone in his room. It wasn’t the first panic attack that he’d had, but it was the first panic attack he was sure he wouldn’t have been able to disguise if there had been a witness. He could hear Bro’s radio blaring down the hallway as if nothing had happened; as if it was no big deal; but it had meant everything to Dave. It had shown that Bro took an interest in something Dave had been into enough to take the time on the side to design and level up a character just to make sure that Dave could be hardcore in the eyes of his friends and keep going with a game he loved so much. A game that Bro had probably already beaten several times and moved on from.

   
Bro knew Dave. He knew his strengths and weaknesses, and when he’d found out Dave was playing the game, he’d known just which part his little brother was going to have game-breaking trouble with.

   
Dave always had trouble reading Bro. He loved and worshipped the older man. He wanted to be like him. He craved his attention as much as he feared it, and he longed for his approval. The vulnerable feelings and his inability to interpret Bro’s thoughts often left him infuriated with even the thought of him. It made a part of him hate him. Bro could find ways to take Dave down a notch and decimate his pride in seconds. He could hurt him psychologically, he could dominate him physically, and often he did just that.

   
When he was younger Dave had patience that told him he simply needed time and practice to catch up with his brother, but the older he got, the more his fears seemed to be coming true. He wasn’t as badass as his brother. He wasn’t even close. Sure, he made progress in gaming, rhyming, sparring, everything; but his skills were ridiculously dwarfed in comparison to the elder Strider. Not to mention that the atmosphere of toxic masculinity made Dave loath himself for liking guys. He lived in fear that Bro would find out he was gay.

   
He was at his weakest when the nightmares of Bro really dying, really leaving him, first began. He’d woken up in a trembling, sweating mess, and his feet had carried him into Bro’s room before he realized what was happening. He looked down at the still figure in the bed and glanced behind him to the open door. Why had Bro left his door open? Had he heard Dave screaming the last three nights in a row? The thought caused his face to heat with embarrassment.

   
Dave’s arms clutched his sides tightly as reality slapped him in the face. He wasn’t a toddler. What in fuck’s sake had come over his subconscious mind to even consider getting into his brother’s bed? Even if they’d had a healthy relationship, which they didn’t, Dave had been fighting off these weird sexual visions of the older man since he’d hit puberty. The thought of him seeped into his mind when he was in the most clouded, vulnerable heights of arousal. The fantasies would smash into his brain and refuse to go away until they had completely taken over his thoughts. He would try to fight it, but the thoughts would keep sneaking their way in until the next thing he knew he’d be letting out a shamed whimper of Bro’s name as he climaxed harder than any depraved porn could ever pull out of him.

   
He was just about to turn and leave when he heard Bro sigh. His defined arm jerked, tossing the covers open beside him in an inviting gesture. To leave then and reject his brother’s rare kindness would make things even more awkward than getting into bed with him. Dave climbed under the covers keeping as close to the edge of the bed as possible to give Bro his space. The older man’s scent on the sheets and the pillows flooded his nostrils and tried to go straight to his crotch. He tucked his arm under the pillow, felt something squishy prodding against it, and sighed when he pulled out a smuppet. He quietly dropped it to the floor and attempted again to keep his mind off sex.

   
He tried to distract himself by letting his eyes wonder around Bro’s room which was dimly lit by the faint glowing red lights from random electronics. Bro’s room was off limits. Forbidden. He felt a quiet thrill at the opportunity to take in the contents without rushing. Dave shuddered when he noticed lil’ Cal staring at him blankly from the dresser. His eyes scanned along several other creepy puppets hanging along the wall next to Cal. Two were suspended from sword displays. Those weren’t going to help his nightmares at all.

   
His eyes shifted to the bedside table. Bro’s wallet, hat, and sunglasses were sitting atop a stack of Game Bro magazines. His fingerless gloves were directly in front of his line of site. He blinked in confusion because he’d noticed that Bro usually forgot to take his gloves off to sleep even though he rarely ever slept in anything but his boxers. The lotion bottle just behind the gloves explained a little too much. He bit his lip as he tried to force the image of Bro touching himself from his mind. Less than a foot behind him he could hear deep, steady breaths from strong, healthy lungs. He tried not to imagine how those breaths would sound labored and stuttering from lust. He’d heard the noises from him plenty of times while striffing and it didn’t make it easy for Dave to reel in his thoughts.

   
When he tried to focus his mind to less sexualized thoughts, his anxieties didn’t make things easy for him either. He closed his eyes. What would Bro think if he found out Dave was gay? Would he be disappointed in him? Would he act different towards him? Would he hurt him? Or worse...would he send him away? Would he throw him out on the streets to fend for himself and never speak to him again? He opened his eyes and yipped at the sight of Cal now sitting on the bedside table.

   
Dave scrambled backward unthinking until his back hit solid muscle. He was still too freaked out to process what he was doing as he stared in horror at the puppet. It wasn’t until Bro’s arm wrapped up around his chest that he realized where his action had taken him. He stiffened as Bro absently pet his chest, and he didn’t relax until Bro mumbled sleepily, “S’okay. Sleep.” It was as if his low, commanding but oddly soothing voice was magic. Dave melted down into the mattress feeling safer than he had in years, and he slept. He slept too well.

   
When he awoke early the next morning, Bro was on his back and Dave was resting his head on his chest with an arm draped over him. It took him several moments to remember where he was as his head rose and fell with Bro’s peaceful breaths. His eyes widened but he didn’t dare move. His panicked breaths caused the hair on Bro’s stomach to move with the chaotic winds as Dave tried to decide how to get out of the situation without alerting the man beneath him of how they’d wound up during the night.

   
There was another situation, however, that was impossible for Dave to ignore. Bro had a massive and rather intimidating hardon, and it was towering in front of Dave’s eyes. Dave swallowed heavily. He really didn’t need another thing to compare himself to Bro and come up short, but the guy was huge.

   
Dave jerked when a music-playing alarm clock next to Bro’s side of the bed shouted to life. It was playing some kind of blues music and Dave was never sure if what Bro was listening to was a genuine like or if he was just doing it ironically. The music was far too erotic for his current situation. He was too terrified to move, so he shut his eyes and hoped to hell he could push all the responsibility for handling this situation onto his brother.

   
It was only seconds after the music started that he felt the chest and stomach muscles beneath him tense. He couldn’t hear much over the music, but he felt a grumble rumble through Bro’s chest. Bro’s hands came into view, hovering just short of touching Dave, and he was glad that it seemed Bro was processing how to handle the situation rather than picking him up and tossing him off the bed in rage-filled disgust.

   
Bro bent one knee to disguise his morning situation and stretched his long arm to fumble with the alarm. He cursed when he couldn’t find the right button to turn it off and, in the end, he decided to simply let the music play. Dave felt his arms moving and guessed that he was rubbing his face to wake up. Next Bro carefully lifted Dave and slowly moved out from under him before lowering him to the bed in an attempt not to wake him.

   
Dave successfully feigned sleep, grateful that he was pretty much on his stomach so that Bro wouldn’t see the evidence of his arousal that had manifested in response to being close to him. He watched Bro’s toned back and shoulder muscles flex as he dug for a shirt and slid it on over his head. He shuddered with apprehension. Those muscles could be used to protect him or to hurt him. He wondered which instinct Bro would lean towards if he knew everything there was to know about Dave; if he knew he was gay, if he knew he had a disgusting incestuous crush on him. He hoped that he would never have to find out.

   
It was a few years later when Dave finally brought a potential boyfriend home with him to hang out. He thought Bro wasn’t going to be home until well after midnight, but both boys had jumped when Bro slammed through the front door and stormed to his room with a slew of curses. It happened occasionally. Bro mainly worked from home with his websites, but now and then he would colab with someone else or work on commission to help someone with their setup. He usually got along with people fairly well, but it wasn’t unheard of for him to rage-quit a project when he realized he just couldn’t stand the person he was working with. He didn’t do well with other dominant personalities. He itched to put them in their place and then they were too spooked to be around him for long after that.

   
“That...is one scary guy.” His guest, Greg, had noted.

   
“Nah, he’s cool.” Dave had turned back to their game and successfully managed to mop the floor with his opponent, just like he always did with everyone who wasn’t Bro.

   
Greg was a rather large guy compared to Dave, and he had a forceful personality. That’s how he had wound up inviting himself to Dave’s house in the first place. Dave wasn’t so sure about him. He was attractive, but Dave forever found himself distracted with his feeling for his own goddamn brother and never managed to bag himself a steady relationship. Dave wasn’t used to anyone who wasn’t nervous and borderline submissive around him; or at least they were haters in a respectful kind of way. Greg was different, and at first Dave thought he liked the aggressive personality. It wasn’t long before he started to second guess the crush.

   
Greg’s hand landed on Dave’s thigh near his knee; his grip a little too hard. He couldn’t see Dave’s eyes behind his sunglasses as Dave glanced towards Bro’s closed door, but he could see him move his head just slightly when he looked. Bro’s music was blaring, and it appeared the door was barred shut, but he was still paranoid Bro could somehow see him. “Yo, maybe we shouldn’t be doing that here.”

   
“Why not?” Greg wasn’t fazed by Dave’s apathy in the slightest. Greg also didn’t notice that lil’ Cal was now sitting on top of the television. His hand began to move up Dave’s thigh. “You aren’t a tease, are you?”

   
Dave shifted in discomfort. He didn’t remember doing anything to lead the guy on. “I just think maybe you’re reading this wrong, man.”

   
Greg’s whole demeanor was a lot more intense than his usual douchebag persona. Dave silently cursed Bro for making him have a thing for assholes that were bigger than him. Greg’s hand pushed up his shirt and he suddenly found himself more concerned with where his weapons were than whether or not Bro might guess that he was on some kind of hangout date. He decided to try a more direct approach.

   
“Dude, I’m not gay,” he lied.

   
“You will be when I’m through with you.” He leaned over and dipped his tongue into Dave’s ear. His hand drifted down to squeeze between Dave’s legs. It was disturbing how ready he was to grab Dave’s wrist when he moved to push him away. It showed he was well aware that he was doing something wrong. “Come on.” He stood when Dave leapt to his feet. “Let’s go to your room.”

   
“I think you should go.” He hated how his voice wavered ever so slightly.

   
“You don’t want to make a scene, Dave. You don’t want your brother to know you like guys, do you?” He walked forward and Dave cursed himself as his feet automatically kept renewing the distance between them so that Greg was effectively guiding him into his room.

   
Dave wasn’t as shocked as he should have been when he backed into his room and did a double take to the side to see that Cal was now sitting on his desk on top of his keyboard. His distraction allowed Greg the time to close his door when Dave had meant to push past him and walk back into the hallway.

   
“Let’s get these off of you.” Greg grabbed for his belt and Dave fell back onto his bed as he tried to stop his hands.

   
“Greg. No.” His heart was hammering in his chest. “I’m gonna scream like a little bitch. Swear to god.”

   
“No, you won’t.” Greg smirked. “You’re so transparent, Dave. You don’t want your brother to think you can’t handle yourself.”

   
Dave had managed to project an apathetic demeanor so far, so Greg was truly surprised when Dave’s fist lashed out and broke his nose. “Ah! You fucking cunt!” He hissed. The next few seconds seemed to stretch by like minutes as the two of them struggled. In the end Dave was humiliated when the larger boy managed to shove him down on his bed and straddle him. Dave froze up when Greg leaned down and kissed him. The reality that he meant to keep going hit him all at once. He began to panic, and Greg seemed pleased that he was losing his composure.

   
It didn’t get any further than that. Dave’s door opened almost anticlimactically, quietly tapping against the far wall without squeaking once. Bro crossed his arms as he took in the sight of the two boys breathless in Dave’s bed. Dave couldn’t read him any easier than he ever could, and for reasons he couldn’t understand he found himself defending the situation.

   
“Bro...it’s not what you think...”

   
In three long strides Bro reached them, wrenched the larger boy off him, and slammed him down onto his back on the bed. His fist connected with the guy’s face six times before Dave gathered himself enough to jump up and wrap both his arms around the tense limb trying to pull him off the younger guy.

   
“Dude! Duuude!” Dave gasped when Bro gently pressed his hand against Dave’s stomach and guided him to step back out of harm’s way just as Greg pushed himself up and launched himself at the older man in some kind of primal instinct to survive. Dave stood paralyzed as Bro made quick work of him, bloodying him beyond recognition and then dragging him, tripping and sobbing, to throw him out the front door.

   
Dave’s vision was almost white with terror as he watched the door to his bedroom. He wasn’t sure if Bro somehow knew that the guy had been sexually assaulting him or if Bro had thought it was consensual and had been reacting on a violent homophobic tantrum rather than a protective duty. He clutched at his stomach when Bro finally came back and braced himself on the door frame.

   
“Dave,” he began before taking a steadying breath to contain his temper. “Look.” He took his sunglasses off and pinched his forehead. His eyes were clenched shut up until the point he slid the sunglasses back on his face, so Dave still had no way to read him. “Kid. If you get in over your head, you just ask me to save you. I will. Ain’t no shame in that.” When Dave only stared at him, still obviously in shock, he asked for confirmation. “Got it?” He had to ask again before Dave finally nodded.

   
They didn’t speak as Bro patched him up, checking everywhere to see the bruises and broken skin. Dave was ashamed despite how Bro didn’t sound annoyed about saving him. After all the training he’d had he was supposed to be able to take down a larger target. And if Bro didn’t realize Dave was gay, he at least now knew that there were some people who thought Dave would make a good fuck toy.

   
Dave hoped that it wasn’t disappointment and disgust that was causing the slight tremor in the older man’s hands as he touched him. He fought the urge to flinch under his attention. He must loath Dave at that moment. He was a failure. He wasn’t Strider material. He couldn’t even stop watching Bro’s bottom lip as he knelt in front of him while he sat on the ledge of the tub and worked through the first aid kit. He wondered what it would feel like to press his lips against the corner of Bro’s mouth and feel his rough stubble against his smooth cheeks.

   
Bro dabbed at a raw place on Dave’s collarbone and then hesitated with his hand hovering there. Dave noticed Bro had become even more tense in the moments that he’d been caring for him. He still couldn’t look away from his mouth and was confused when the older man’s lips parted as if he was suddenly breathless.

   
“Dave,” he stated distantly, and Dave watched his throat as he swallowed heavily. “You...you okay, there?” Dave’s eyes traveled back up to his mouth and he started when Bro’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. It was only then that he managed to make sense of Bro’s confusion. Dave wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. They’d fallen off in his struggles. How long had he been so brazenly fucking Bro’s mouth with his eyes? Oh, god!

   
“You okay?” Bro repeated as he cleared his throat. “He get you in the head?”

   
Dave sucked in a breath and nodded before shaking his head as if his thoughts were cloudy. He was relieved to realize he had an excuse. Bro was worried that he might have a concussion. He tried not to let his sights linger on Bro’s beautiful mouth when one side quirked into an almost nonexistent smile.

   
“A’ight. We’ll just make sure to keep you awake for a few hours. You can play any of my games you want, or we can watch a movie. We’ll order pizza?”

   
It sounded more like a question than a statement. Dave wondered if he should feel ashamed that Bro was pitying him, but it almost sounded like the man felt guilty; like maybe he’d simply been jealous to find some guy touching Dave and had lost his temper and scared the shit out of Dave. But that was ridiculous.

   
They had a fun night, but after that it felt like Bro became even more distant than usual. Their sparring became more intense. Dave tried to tell himself that Bro was probably just trying to amp up the training to make sure he could defend himself the next time someone larger than him backed him into a corner. A part of him, though, was becoming more and more afraid of the older man by the day. He seemed more violent, and he lost his temper more often. Not with Dave, but it seemed everything else around them. Dave couldn’t fight the feeling that Bro knew. He knew Dave was a fraud. He knew he had disgusting thoughts. He knew it all, and he resented Dave because of everything about him.

   
Bro probably hated looking after Dave. By now he was obligated to keep him until he was eighteen, but what then? He never mentioned it. Was he expecting Dave to get out on his eighteenth birthday? It’s not like he could just live there forever, right? Yet, the thought of leaving Bro was heart wrenching. He couldn’t imagine ever being away from him. Even when he was terrified of Bro’s attention at all, for it meant possible degradation or pain, he still couldn’t stand the thought of not having him just a doorway away.

   
When Dave was old enough to work, he started taking odd jobs until he found one that he loved. He was able to DJ events on the evenings and weekends. The pay was decent, and he immediately started to pay a couple of smaller bills and bring home some food. He followed in Bro’s footsteps, in a way, and made a website to showcase his comics and his music. He gained enough followers to start monetizing, and that made him a little more comfortable that he was earning his own keep. He was holding out hope that maybe Bro simply wouldn’t mention the future, but with his eighteenth birthday coming up fast his panic attacks and nightmares started to increase seven-fold.

   
It was a month before his birthday when it all seemed to go to hell. Bro had been bringing home random women who would leave before he awoke in the morning. You’d think he’d be in a good mood with his tensions eased, but he only seemed to be more on edge. When Dave mentioned the women, trying to fist-bump and bond, it only seemed to drag criticisms about the women out of his brother. He was cursing under his breath more often and grumbling about everything. The striffing sessions were even worse. He actually hurt Dave pretty bad a few times.

   
The last time Bro was on the offense so brutally that Dave could barely keep up enough to save his own skin. He tried to keep his composure, but the man’s intensity terrified him. Dave lost sight of him and he shivered completely when he turned to see the chest-heaving silhouette of Bro and Cal on the horizon of the building. In a flashstep he was gone only to emerge striking Dave’s sword from behind him. If he’d wanted to land a death blow, he could have. Bro knew this and he knew Dave knew this.

   
He repeated the attack until Dave’s hands were shaking so bad he could barely hold his sword anymore. He couldn’t stop the thought from crossing his mind. “Is he going to kill me? Is it me he’s been so hateful about? What have I done?” He wondered if Bro had somehow caught him jerking it to Bro’s pictures on his website. The panic began to take hold. “Oh, god! He knows! He hates me! He knows!”

   
Bro struck at him and Dave’s sunglasses went flying. He would have normally dived for them and known that Bro would allow him to retrieve his shield, for they both had sensitive eyes and the sun was still just barely above the horizon. His heart was racing far too fast, however, and his thoughts were becoming garbled in his panic-stricken mind.

   
Dave whimpered far too audibly when he turned and almost ran right into Cal. His sword clattered to the concrete and he stumbled back against the wall next to the door to the stairwell just as Bro appeared and lunged for him. He didn’t know if Bro noticed he’d been disarmed of his sword and his sunglasses. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t react. All he could do was throw his hands up beside his head in surrender. “Bro, please! Pleasepleasepleaseplease!”

   
Bro stood with perfect poise with his sword aimed at Dave’s throat. His stiff shoulders dropped slowly as he looked into Dave’s tear-filled wide eyes. His face tilted down as he scanned Dave for injuries that weren’t there. Then his sights lingered on Dave’s violently shaking hands as Dave held them out in front of him to plead with him not to kill him.

   
“You’re scared,” Bro noted distantly. He continued to drink in Dave’s reactions in confusion as he tried to understand him. “Are you hurt?” When Dave only babbled incoherently there was a trace of anxiety in Bro’s impatient voice. “Goddammit, Dave. Are you hurt?”

   
Dave shook his head and sobbed that he wasn’t hurt. Bro wasn’t sure what else to do, and it seemed that he was what was making Dave react upset, so he absconded. Dave collapsed into a heap of shame and regret. Had he just pissed him off? Had he let him down? Why had he been so rough with Dave these last few months? Was it an attempt to get him to leave?

   
Bro didn’t speak to him for several days. When he did finally interact with him, Dave didn’t know what to think about it. Dave heard Bro walk in the front door and toss his keys on the counter, but he didn’t walk by Dave’s room, and he didn’t hear the television come on. He went to investigate and reached his doorway just as Bro approached his room. Bro looked surprised to see Dave in his own room. He stared at him for a long time, mouth in a straight line and unreadable behind his sunglasses.

   
Dave tried to stare back but then began to fidget nervously when he was reminded how Bro was still so much taller and broader than he was. Bro’s head tilted down ever so slightly giving away that he was noticing Dave wringing his hands. Dave’s chest was moving rapidly as his heart began to race with an impending panic attack. Bro didn’t seem to be missing any part of Dave’s humiliation as he tried to simply stand there under his gaze unsuccessfully. Dave sucked in a breath to steady himself. The movement of Bro’s hat indicated he’d shifted his attention to that as well.

   
“Y-you need something?” Dave inwardly kicked himself for stuttering.

   
“Need.” Bro picked the word out and repeated it with no inflection so that Dave had no idea what he meant by it. He couldn’t tell if it was a question or a challenge or if Bro was just high.

   
Dave cleared his throat. “Yeah. Or want. You want something?”

   
Bro turned and muttered ‘want’ to himself as he made his way to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Old school gangster rap shortly followed and again Dave wasn’t sure if he truly enjoyed the music or if he was listening to it ironically.

   
Dave was shaken. Was this it? Was Bro trying to find a way to tell him to leave? Dave’s stress only increased as the weeks stretched on and Bro didn’t challenge him to another strife. Worse yet, he was clearly avoiding Dave. His heart was breaking in two.

   
Dave woke up late in the evening on his birthday. He was starving and had forgotten to eat since early the day before. He cursed as he searched the fridge and cabinets and realized he had forgotten to pick up more food, and so had Bro. He crept close to Bro’s bedroom door, which was open, and confirmed that he wasn’t home. There was no note for him. Nothing to acknowledge his birthday.

   
He sighed and decided to take a long shower. Maybe he’d go out and get himself something fancy to eat afterwards. By the time he was done scrubbing and drying, his stomach was growling fiercely. He toweled off his hair and then yelped when he turned toward the towel wrack to find Cal perched there wearing a birthday party hat.

   
He heard noise in the kitchen and, wearing only his boxers, he followed his nose toward the heavenly scent of breadsticks. Bro was standing at the counter opening a new package of paper plates next to a stack of pizzas and several bags of breadsticks.

   
“Oh, thank god!” Dave didn’t notice when Bro did a double take towards his exposed skin. “I’m starving!” He was more excited that Bro had remembered and chosen to acknowledge his birthday. He hardly managed to keep a straight face when Bro stoically tossed a birthday present towards him. The wrapping was over the top and a little too feminine. Dave wondered if he’d done it himself or gotten one of the women he’d been with to do it. He banished the smirk that wanted to come with the image of Bro watching a how-to video and making a bow. He was full of ironic surprises like that.

   
He tore away the My Little Pony wrapping paper to find a game he’d been wanting with a gift card for downloadable music taped to the front. “Cool.” He managed to keep his calm, trying his best to mirror Bro’s nonchalant attitude as he flung a paper plate at him as if it was a ninja star. Bro opened the pizza boxes to expose three different combinations that they both loved, but he seemed to stiffen when Dave brushed by him to help himself.

   
Dave’s insecurities were getting the best of him again, but he was determined not to let it ruin the evening when it was going so well. He leaned back against the counter in front of the sink and crammed food into his face while he tried to get the nerve to ask Bro for his thoughts and get the whole thing out in the open. He watched Bro move around the kitchen getting more irritated, it seemed, the longer Dave watched him. Dave realized with a start that he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses since he had just gotten out of the shower. Of course Bro was fidgety when he was being ogled by another dude; his brother at that.

   
Bro cursed when he tried to pull out a chosen piece of pizza and it became clear the restaurant had barely cut the slices. He fumbled in a drawer for a pizza cutter. Dave tried not to laugh when it immediately broke and the blade went rolling across the counter. It was easier not to respond jovially when Bro reacted with a sincere curse. Dave looked down to his feet when Bro whipped toward him. His arm lashed out and Dave’s shoulders rose before he realized Bro was simply reaching past him for a butcher knife.

   
Dave swallowed heavily. “Hey, Bro?”

   
“Hm?” Bro grunted as he slashed at the pizza. Dave’s eyes were helplessly drawn past the angular square of his jaw to his mouth.

   
“Do y-you, uh.” He cleared his throat. “Do you want me to move out or somethin’? Now that I’m eighteen?”

   
Bro froze for several seconds, then recovered as if the hiccup in time had never happened. “Nah,” he answered simply. It was too long before he asked, “You want to move out or somethin’?”

   
“Not really.” Dave answered quietly. Honestly. “That’s why I was asking.”

   
Bro nodded. He seemed to relax a bit then, and Dave’s heart leapt. Could it have been that Bro didn’t want to see him go? Had he been trying to distance himself from Dave and being stressed for the same reason as him?

   
“Nah. Crash here forever, loser. I don’t care.” It was obvious that he did care, and that he wanted Dave to stay. His almost unreadable, beautiful, tantalizing mouth quirked ever so slightly into a lighthearted smirk.

   
“Really?” He didn’t mean to pathetically ask for reassurance that Bro had already given him. He didn’t mean to sound so hopeful. He braced for Bro’s attitude to change; for him to sink his teeth into the insecurity that Dave had just shown, but it didn’t happen.

   
“Yeah. I been gettin’ spoiled up in here with you paying a couple bills. Been saving and buying dumb shit. Like a kept little bitch up in here. But that ain’t necessary, either. You can stay if you need, or if you want. What, you been thinkin’ I was gonna boot you out or somethin’?” He glanced to Dave’s exposed eyes but stilled himself from reacting to the confirmation he saw there. “How long you been worried about that?” When Dave only stammered, he added, “That’s not gonna happen. You always have somewhere to go wherever I am.”

   
Dave couldn’t remember ever hearing Bro speak so clearly and open. He’d said more to him in the last few minutes than he had in a year. He was overcome with emotion, and he had no idea what came over him, but the next thing he knew he had launched himself at the older man and pressed his lips to his maddeningly enticing mouth.

   
Bro had finally gotten his pizza, sat it to the side, picked up his beer bottle, and turned with the knife in his other hand when he suddenly had Dave pressed against him. Dave framed his face in his hands and reveled at finally pressing his palms against the stubble that had taunted him for years. The older man froze completely. Dave’s lids fluttered open when he heard the beer bottle shatter at their feet. He was close enough to see that Bro’s eyes were wide open behind his shades staring straight ahead in shock.

   
It wasn’t encouraging that he wasn’t returning the kiss; wasn’t moving at all. Dave realized all at once what he had done. He had just ruined his life. He had just isolated himself from the one person who had professed his steadfast support for him. His mind wanted to start filing through all the material and emotional things for him to worry about and mourn over, it really wanted to, but his instincts told him that there was a much bigger problem for him to be concerned over at the moment.

   
Dave had just kissed a very large, very dangerous, probably very betrayed and homophobic man. He had done this alone with the man in that man’s own familiar apartment and had gotten himself cornered in a kitchen nook with his only way out blocked by said man and a floor full of glass. He was also going to have that glass all over his mostly naked body once the man began beating the holy shit out of him any moment.

   
He became painfully aware of his bare skin. He didn’t have his sunglasses so that he could desperately try to play off what had happened as some ultra-ironic joke. Bro could see his face. Bro could see the fear and regret there as easily as he must have been able to read the desire that had been present seconds before.

   
His mind flashed back to the time Bro had beaten his abuser. His large fists had pummeled down against vulnerable flesh; bruising, breaking, hurting. It wasn’t like clothes would have protected Dave’s body from the solid muscles now tensing against Bro’s slightly too-tight shirt, but at least it would have given Dave the illusion that he wasn’t so completely fucked.

   
Bro still wasn’t reacting. Dave looked toward the sound of squeaking leather to see that Bro’s hand was so tight against the knife handle that it was a miracle his gloves weren’t bursting at the seams.

   
“Jesus Christ...” A visible shudder traveled down the length of Dave’s body as his eyes lingered on the deadly weapon that was all the more lethal in his brother’s capable hands. “Holy...fuck...” Dave choked on a sob as his fingers dug into the counter behind him. His breaking voice came out small when he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the knife. “Jesus Christ Bro please don’t kill me...”

   
The older man tilted his head curiously when he heard his name bringing him only a little bit out of his shock. He aimed his sunglasses toward his own hand following Dave’s terrified gaze to discover that it was indeed he who was causing the boy to fall apart again.

   
He looked back toward him, his gaze traveling down and back up again as he came back to his senses and realized he needed to take inventory of why his charge was having a breakdown. After the incident on the rooftop he had searched the symptoms online and tried to learn what he was supposed to do about the condition when it happened.

   
“You’re having a panic attack.” Bro’s voice was emotionless as he made the observation. There was no way for Dave to tell how he was feeling about the things he was saying. “Dave.” He moved forward and managed to catch Dave by hooking his arms beneath his when his legs gave out in response to Bro towering over him.

   
“Ohgodohgodohgod...” Dave didn’t realize the gentle metallic noise behind him was the sound of his brother setting the knife in the sink. His arms flew up instinctively to find anything to cling to. His hands tangled in his brother’s shirt as the older man pulled him against his chest. “I’m sorry I’m sorry god I’m so sorry,” he babbled deliriously. “Please, Bro, please don’t please...”

   
“Dave.” His heart sank as he realized he was, in fact, the trigger for the panic attacks. He held him against his body and pressed his head into his shoulder as Dave continued to shiver uncontrollably.

   
“Bro, fuck, I got in over my head. I just got in over my head; please save me.” A distant part of his brain remembered Bro’s words to him years ago, though how Bro was supposed to save him from Bro, he wasn’t sure.

   
“Kid, why do you think I’m gonna hurt you? Look at me.” He whipped his hat and sunglasses off his head and tossed them onto the counter. Dave whimpered with every movement and stiffened when Bro tilted his chin up and guided him to look at him. His heart broke at the completely vulnerable, broken, utterly hopeless expression on the boy’s face. “Kid, I’m not gonna hurt you. Not gonna let anything hurt you. Ever. Understand?”

   
Dave was still gasping for breath as if he was drowning. His fingers were digging into Bro’s arm and his back hard enough to leave bruises. “S-save me…” He could feel Dave’s heart pounding through his ribcage so hard he was afraid he was about to have a heart attack.

   
“Jesus, kid.” He decided to try out the blanket-fort suggestion he’d read online. Dave choked on another sob when Bro wrapped his arm around his back and bent to scoop his legs out from under him. Dave was far too light for his age. Bro cursed himself for the pressure he must have been making him feel all these years to be bigger, faster, tougher. He had just wanted to bond with him. He had wanted him to feel like he could defend himself. He had wanted to be close to him...to touch him...but he just didn’t know how.

   
“W-where are we g-going? Bro?” The sound of crunching glass beneath Bro’s shoes was loud in his sensitive ears. “Bro! Bro where are we going-don’t kill me-okay-I’m sorry! I’m so fucking sorry I’m a failure!”

   
Bro could only make out bits and pieces of what he was saying, and it was making him loath himself more by the second. He had to make it stop. He had to find a way to make it right. He had to fix this for Dave.

   
Bro didn’t turn on any lights in his bedroom. His blankets were already kicked toward the foot of the bed, so he didn’t have to turn them down before he lowered Dave onto the mattress. He hovered over him as Dave neglected to unwind his hands from around his shoulders. In Dave’s swimming mind it was clear that Bro had brought him to where all his weapons were within easy reach to take him apart. He continued to plead with him.

   
“Come on. Let go just a second. I’ll be right back. Promise.” He kicked off his shoes as he pried Dave’s arms free. He moved to climb onto the bed and Dave sat up, kicking his legs against the mattress and trying to push his way toward the headboard to escape him. “Come back,” Bro muttered, grabbing his legs and tugging him back into place on his back. Dave threw his arms up to protect his face as the older man nestled his knees in between his thighs and leaned toward him. Bro pulled the covers up over his back and dropped down to box Dave in beneath him protectively.

   
“Bro you can’t!” Dave was humiliated when he felt his legs spread wider under the older man’s weight as Bro hovered over him. His inner filter all but disappeared and before he knew it, when Bro asked him why, he was explaining himself. “Y-you can’t because I can smell you and feel you and you’re close and I’m gonna get a hardon and you’re gonna feel it and fucking kill me for it!”

   
Bro dropped his face to nuzzle against Dave’s. He shivered when Bro rumbled low and warm into his ear. “Then get a hardon. I don’t mind it.”

   
Dave’s hips jerked in response. Bro weaved one arm under his brother and cradled the back of his head to hold him against his shoulder where Dave was now sobbing into his neck. His other hand drifted down the side of Dave’s body and he tucked his fingers beneath Dave’s hip. He gave a simple tug to encourage the absent thrusting motion Dave had been doing on instinct and it caused Dave to gasp in mortification.

   
“Oh god I’m s-sorry-”

   
“Dave.” The constant stream of hot air against his neck from Dave’s begging was starting to hijack all his senses.

   
“Bro I don’t know what’s wrong with me-”

   
“Dave.”

   
“Please just don’t-”

   
The older man pushed his answering arousal down against the writhing body beneath him and Dave’s unguarded groan did nothing to help ease the tension in his pants. “Dave, look. Tell me what you want. Just be open with me here.” He lifted to look down at him. He lowered his mouth to speak against Dave’s lips. “What do you want, baby?”

   
Oh god Bro was using a goddamn pet name on him like his confident ass would have so naturally and successfully used on one of his flings! Dave would have came in his pants if he wasn’t still so terrified that he was about to die. Then again, maybe he was just reverting to language he’d used on him as an actual baby as an attempt to get him to stop freaking out. The thought made Dave’s cheeks flush even hotter. He squirmed against the weight between his legs to relieve some of the mounting pressure and was hit with a sudden wave of godly confidence and clarity when the motion caused the older man to swallow back a moan.

   
“T-talk to me.” Holy shit he’d just made Bro stutter. “Tell me what you want.”

   
Dave’s voice was a wavering mess as he threw caution to the wind. “I want you to love me. I want you to goddamn love me, Bro. Love me like that. Like we’re not supposed to kind of love.”

   
Bro kissed the side of his mouth as he listened and then answered him immediately. “I do goddamn love you like that, Dave.” He pressed down against him and Dave’s arms flew down to hook around his waist to get more friction.

   
“I w-want...” He gulped in air as his panic began to subside and he had more trouble convincing himself to bare all to the man above him.

   
“You want?” Bro’s tongue danced along Dave’s jawbone as he inched his way down to his neck. Dave’s head tilted back to expose his throat to him, and Bro growled deep in his chest. The vibrations were both frightening and hypnotic.

   
“Fuuuuck...Bro...” Dave was crying again, only he suspected it was from desire as much as fear this time. “Please...”

   
“What do you want, baby?” He hummed curiously when the repeated endearment caused Dave’s hips to jerk again. He latched his mouth onto his offered throat and allowed him to rut up against him as he tried to gather himself to speak.

   
“Oh, god, Bro. I want to stay with you, please. I want to stay with you forever. I want you to love me.”

   
“Then stay here with me. I want you to stay.”

   
“I want you to want me. I want you to fuck me.”

   
The older man gasped, and Dave flinched when his fingers clenched against him far too aggressively. He cursed against Dave’s throat before pushing himself up to sit back on his heels. Dave watched him with wary eyes as Bro hurriedly peeled his shirt off and tossed it across the room. Dave was still having trouble shaking the feeling that Bro was about to hurt him. He couldn’t disguise his tremors as Bro’s eyes locked on his as his hands fell to his belt. The clinking, zipping, and gentle rustling sounds of him unfastening his pants was somehow the most erotic thing Dave had ever heard in his life. He made quick work of removing his pants. Dave didn’t have much time to feel apprehension over the size of his throbbing cock before Bro was reaching down to yank Dave’s boxers down his legs. The boy’s obvious nervousness caused him to slow as he reached for the lotion.

   
“You done this before? Don’t answer that.” He snapped. “I’ll goddamn kill the man.”

   
“No, I haven’t.” Dave admitted. “B-but I’ve done...things...to myself.”

   
“Things?” He exhaled heavily at the erotic image of Dave fucking himself in the other room so close to him. Just a thin wall between them. Had he known what he was doing in there, thinking about him while he did it, Dave never would have had to wonder how he felt. Bro could have stopped loathing himself for his own desires and been teaching him how his body works all along.

   
He was grateful that Dave’s thighs dropped further apart when he ran a slick finger between his legs. His own member was aching with want and he didn’t know if he’d have the patience he needed not to traumatize him if he hadn’t been just as eager to hurry their encounter along. As it was Dave was pressing down against the intrusion of his second finger and already begging him for more. The more experienced man quickly hooked his fingers and searched while he leisurely stroked Dave’s length with his other hand. He immediately found what he was looking for and Dave called out as he arched up to him.

   
“Fuck, you’re beautiful like this, baby.”

   
“D-do it...now...please...Bro...please...I want it...” His hands scrambled out to tangle in the sheets when his brother did as he asked. He had dreamed of being at the center of Bro’s attention, yet he still blushed furiously when Bro dropped down and held himself up on his hands to look down at him as if he was his entire world. It was overwhelming to see his unguarded eyes and even more so to read the kind of heat that was evident there for him.

   
“I th-thought you were gonna beat the hell out of me. Swear to god,” he rambled.

   
“You still want me to or somethin’?”

   
Dave yelped when Bro snaked a hand onto his throat. “Jesus no!” Bro groaned as Dave’s insides tightened around his cock. Dave finally exhaled and relaxed when a familiar smirk crept across Bro’s lips. Seconds later those lips were pressed against his and his tongue was pushing its way in to explore his mouth. The kiss was deep, thorough, and slow to match the pace the older man had set with his hips.

   
He pulled away a few inches when it seemed Dave was trying to communicate with him again. “B-bro...I c-can’t...I don’t think I c-can h-hold it if...if you...” Bro slowed his pace, but not by much. He was close, too. “God, Bro. I thought that...I thought that you were going to throw me out. T-to hate me.”

   
“Not gonna happen.”

   
Dave’s head snapped back when Bro’s gloved hand reached between them and wrapped around his cock. “Bro, ohgodohgod you’re gonna make me-” He was breathtakingly beautiful as his body shook with the convulsions of his release. His fingers dug into Bro’s solid back and his mouth fell open right against the older man’s lips as he hovered over him watching intently every emotion that crossed Dave’s exposed eyes as he climaxed.

   
Dave’s head was spinning so hard that he almost didn’t realize that him falling apart beneath him caused Bro to tip over the edge with him. His solid body tensed and stilled as he pressed deep into his shuddering body.

   
As Dave began to come down from the euphoric sensation his hands began to travel all over the body above him as if he needed to confirm it had all really just happened. Bro was patient about it and remained poised there for quite some time as Dave buried his face in his chest and inhaled deeply. He was amazed that he was finally just allowed to touch him.

   
“Oh god don’t leave, Bro. Don’t go anywhere, please.” His mind was blown that his neediness wasn’t causing any hint of annoyance or judgement from the man. He splayed his palms against his chest as Bro bent his knees to get into a more comfortable position to remain over him for an extended amount of time. Goosebumps fired across his skin when a leather-clad hand rested over one of his and pressed it there to encourage him. He could feel Bro’s strong heartbeat thrumming through his chest. Something about it helped to ground Dave into reality.

   
“I dreamed you goddamn died, Bro.”

   
“I’m gonna live longer than you if we don’t do something about this anxiety of yours, and that ain’t cool.”

   
“I always figured you’d accidentally get too worked up and kill me on the roof one of these days and that’s how I’d go.”

   
“Nah, we ain’t doing that anymore. Now I know you’re gonna stay. You’ll be with me. You’ll be safe.” He squeezed in return when Dave’s arms tightened around him.

   
“Do we have to have Cal in the bed with us every time we do that?” Dave arched a brow as he peered around Bro’s arm to see the puppet balanced against the corner of the bed.

   
“Yep.”

   
He couldn’t tell if Bro was being serious or if this was one of his layers-of-irony situations. He supposed he could learn to work with it if Bro really was sexually attached to those goddamn puppets like he (seemingly) jokingly insinuated.

   
Dave’s eyes became heavy and he drifted off several times, each time awaking with a start and clawing his limp arms back into place over the protective shoulders above him. It was late in the night before he finally seemed alright to let Bro fall to the side. He was grateful when the older man pulled him flush back against his body to spoon him. He almost wasn’t embarrassed about the content sigh that escaped him.

   
He was also almost able to stifle a scream when he next awoke to find lil’ Cal cradled against his stomach. He caught his breath for several moments before he suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. Bro smiled to himself when Dave reached out toward the puppet and pulled him back in close. They were one, big, happy, highly fucked up, family.


End file.
